Fifteen years ago, when I was in his fifties, I started keeping a list of “Stupid things I won’t do when I’m old.” Year after year, this list grew more and more, as I chronicled all the things my parents were doing wrong (in my humble opinion). I swore I would never do any of them......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
I would have aged more intelligently and with more grace.
Over the years, my parents’recents of their deteriorating physical and mental condition was at the top of my list. My father knew how dangerous a fall could be because his parents (my grandparents) died as a result of spill-related complications, trips and falls. However, my father refused to use a cane until he needed a walker. Then the pedestrian refused. He fell so much that I lost count. Then arrived the day he fell violently, breaking four ribs and placing him in intensive care.
Two weeks later, my brothers and I said goodbye as he died at home.
I was 59 years old at the time. Even after witnessing the murderous stubbornness of my father (and my grandfather), I did not feel the need to follow my own advice. Like them, I had the same degree of denial and arrogance. The old man was for tomorrow. The old one was intended for the others.
However, a few months after I was 60, I did my first really stupid thing. You needed a book on a high shelf, but did you go get the ladder? No. In socks, I went to the desk instead. With one foot there and the other on the chair, I still couldn’t reach it.
As I tried to turn it off, I finally heard a voice in my head reprimanding me for the “stupid thing” I was doing. I came down from my precarious place and got the ladder back. The book has been recovered. There is no fall – at least not yet.
At that moment, I was jumping from top to bottom like Jack Russell Terrier I asked myself: Will I become my father? I remember him in his last decade: provocative, in denial and fearing losing his independence. And I made a discovery: age more intelligently is not easy.
We’ve all heard that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” As one of my friends reminded me of a friend who saw parents struggling with new powerlessness and fear: “No matter how much we say we’re never like our parents, no matter how much we run the other way, we become like them. ”
That terrified me. But what can I do differently?
Many of my generation – baby boomers – have come to associate aging with disease, loneliness and disability. But it is not necessary for this to happen. As the sociologist Deborah Carr wrote in her 2023 book: “Ageing in America” “The profound economic, technological, and cultural changes that have taken place in recent decades mean that older people in 2050 will live a life very different from those who have reached retirement age today.
I found out that the list of stupid things I wouldn’t do was actually a way to commit myself to aging more intelligently.
As I wrote it, I hoped to be responsible; By sharing it, I hoped that others would become more aware of what we think is outdated and how we can make new and better choices. Studies have shown Health Commitments can encourage people to take small, easier measures that can lead to major health improvements.
Once a person begins to consider themselves depressed, sick, or old, it is easy to fall into the trap of negative expectations of themselves. Reports of the World Health Organization Older people who are discriminated against on the basis of age live on average 7.5 years less than those with a positive view of ageing.
Becca Levy, Professor of Public Health and Psychology at Yale University and author of “Breaking the Law of Age: How Your Beliefs on Ageing Determine Your Life Sleeve and How You Live It” wrote: “Study after study, I discovered that older people with more positive perceptions of aging had better physical and cognitive outcomes than those with more negative perceptions; They were more likely to recover from a disability,”
So, unlike my parents, I make an effort to better appreciate the gifts of life and I started to take small steps to live better.
Use hearing aids if necessary. I had my audition checked; even though it’s not perfect, my audiologist says I’m fine for at least a few years. On the other hand, my father avoided being helped for his hearing, leaving him isolated. I’m determined to get hearing aids when I need them, and I know, I’ll probably write about it. No stain.
Stay socially engaged. My parents’ social worlds narrowed as they grew. I have broadened my scope of action, in particular to include young people. Studies show this intergenerational Friendship to bring value to children and adults, with positive effects on health and psychological well-being.
Keep moving forward. Health experts are clear that it is important to remain active as you get older. Even if I can, that’s what I do, unlike my mother, who is becoming increasingly lethargic and alone. I’m back on the dance floor now that we can swing and sweat together again as the pandemic fades. Not only do endorphins increase, but, like Kelly McGonigal, author of “The Joy of Movement,” books, “Teamwork reminds us of what we’re part of, and getting into a community reminds us where we belong to. ”
Make an effort to smile. I smile a lot to those I know (even to my dog) and to those I don’t know. Smile stimulates a chemical reaction in the brain.
Don’t climb things. Ask for help when something is out of reach. If your balance becomes a problem, use a cane or walker. Don’t let denial lead you to make reckless choices. And your house is at the test of falls: get rid of carpets and obstacles.
All of this is not easy and requires practice. At the end of the day, I felt like my parents were doing everything they could. But I remember what Andrew Weil, the author of “Healthy Ageing,” “We’re not the hostages of our destiny,” he said, which means that people can make smarter choices that will improve their future lives.
In fact, I wrote this sentence on a blue post-it and stuck it to the mirror in my bathroom so that I could do the dot every morning — while I brushed my teeth, first only on the left foot, and then on the right, which helps balance. I want to end my family’s legacy of deadly falls. wish me luck.