I am in a relationship with a man from Esan Edo State. He is a widower who lost his wife through childbirth. I am also a divorcee but I don’t have a child. My marriage ended amicably because it had to do with health differences. That’s not what this story is about thus I won’t go into it. This is about my current relationship with this Edo man......Read The Full Article>>.....Read The Full Article>>
His proposed marriage and I accepted it. From there he introduced me to his friends and family. Everything we’ve done after that moment was geared toward marriage. While we were in the middle of marriage counselling, something happened that had me concerned.
Now, this man is into real estate. He owns quite a number of properties. They are all in his children’s names. That doesn’t bother me because he acquired them before he met me. My problem began when he told me he wanted to get an estate house worth 20m. There is no such thing as too many properties, is there? As a supportive partner, I encouraged him to go for it.
He bought it and came to share the papers with me. I looked at the next of Kin and it was his daughter’s name that he put there. This may sound selfish but it rubbed me off wrongly. I didn’t want him to misunderstand my situation. I also didn’t want to express my displeasure while I was upset. Hence I did my best to mask my emotions. I believe, however, that no matter how much you try to hide your feelings, they slip through the cracks somehow. It’s either that or he knew me enough to tell that something was bothering me.
Here is the thing. Before my parents got married, my dad had a son outside their marriage. After they got married, my mum asked him to bring the boy in. She took care of this boy as she did her own children. Unbeknownst to her, my dad bought everything he owned in the boy’s name.
When he passed, my stepbrother sold everything and left my mum with nothing. My sister and I had to strive and build something for my mum so she would have something of her own. That was what comforted the ache my dad’s son left in her heart.
In my own experience, my ex-husband also had a daughter before we got married. Everything this man bought for our house was in his daughter’s name. Even the electronics that we used at home were in her name. This made me feel cut out of the family. I am not saying he should have put them in my name but if they were in his name, it would make me feel we are all sharing what is his.
This is why I felt triggered when the man I was going to marry bought another property and put his child as next of kin. It felt like history was repeating itself. In my mother’s case, and in mine. Instead of allowing me to communicate my concerns on my own terms, he misunderstood the whole situation and jumped to conclusions.
I felt we had started marriage counselling when he bought the property so he should have included me in his future. After all, it’s next of kin. It doesn’t mean inheritance or anything of the sort. If you can’t count on the woman you want to marry to be that for you, then what am I doing in your life? I got scared and felt insecure.
Instead of talking to me, he went to tell his family that I am competing with his children over his properties. But that’s not the case. I love these children and take good care of them as I would my own children. My profession as a teacher makes it easy for me to connect with children and build a strong relationship with them. And that’s how it has been with my fiancé’s kids since he introduced me to them.
He was a perfect man, however, ever since that incident with the property, things have been bad between us. He now insults me at the least provocation. The other day he called me a prostitute out of anger. He has become insanely jealous. He checks my phone and polices me as if I will cheat if he gives me breathing space.
That aside, his family told him to leave me. They say I am a bad person pretending to be good. So he now hides me from them. Even his friends. He no longer brags about me the way he used to. It’s as if he is sneaking around to be with me. I have tried to move on but he refuses to let me go. He won’t set a date for our marriage either. Meanwhile, I have serious suitors who are ready to wife me. How do I handle this situation?
