My wife had a very difficult pregnancy. From the sixth month until she delivered, she spent a lot of time at the hospital than in the house. We needed someone to help her. I didn’t think about my mom at first because I knew how far she could go to get her way sometimes. We were looking at bringing my wife’s aunt to come and take care of her but at the last hour, she pulled out of the arrangement because something came up that needed her attention. My wife’s mother died many years ago and the only woman in her family to help was that her aunt......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
Finally, we decided to bring in my mother to take care of her. The very first day she stepped foot in the house, I knew there would be trouble. She’s my mother. I’d lived with her long enough to know what she could do and the extent she could go to get what she wants. She’s a good woman, don’t get me wrong but she’s a mother and sometimes feels she knows everything. She didn’t know much about the sickness my wife was going through but the day my wife told her she had to go to the hospital to see the doctor again she said, “You’re wasting money going back and forth with these doctors. Wait let me get you some herbs that will cure you once and for all.”
Instead of helping her to go to the hospital, she went out and later came with leaves in her hand. She said, “Sit down. I’ll blend it and put some in your nose and mouth and you’ll be fine instantly.” My wife didn’t protest. She only said, “Let’s see the doctor first, after that we can come and do this one.” My mom said, “No, it’s not necessary to see the doctor.” For several minutes, she argued with her. I was at work when my wife called. She said, “Please tell your mother something. She doesn’t want us to go to the hospital.” In the end, she didn’t follow my wife to the hospital as planned because my wife had disobeyed her.
For several days she was angry. She didn’t talk to us. She didn’t cook and didn’t eat what we cooked. My wife was worried. I said, “Leave her alone. She will come around soon.” When she finally decided to talk to us, she said, “If you brought me here to help and won’t take my advice then what’s the need?” That day, I’d wanted her to go back but it was my wife who objected.
Then my wife gave birth. My mom was there and saw the troubles my wife went through to give birth. I was expecting her to be sympathetic but no. She blamed everything on modern medicine; “In our time, we didn’t suffer like this to give birth but you kids of these days won’t listen. You think you know everything but see how you’re suffering.” In her mind, whatever we do is wrong until we do what she had specifically stated.
The real issues started when the baby was brought home. My wife was still nursing her sore when my mom started talking about a name for the child. She woke me up at dawn to discuss a name with me. She said, “There are two people I want you to name the child after; your grandma or you name her after me.” I said, “No problem. Just decide on which name you want and we’ll do just that.” Days later she said, “I’ve thought about it. Just name her after me. The second one, if it’s a girl, you can name her after your grandma.”
We had a name for the child already even before she was born. She wanted us to name the child after her and we agreed, so we made her name the middle name of the child. She said, “No, you can’t put my name in the middle. How can you name a child after me and allow another name to come first before my name? My name should be the only name the child should bear.” I said, “everyone has a Christian name before the household name and that’s exactly what we’ve done with the child’s name, so why is it wrong?” She said, “She’ll grow up and everyone will call her by the Christian name. Then my name on her would be lost. No Christian name. Just my name.”
She blamed me for listening to my wife instead of her. Meanwhile, my wife didn’t have a say in the matter. She turned her anger to my wife and told her to stop poisoning my mind. She said, “I’m the mother and you’re just his wife. You can’t come between us and tell him to go against what I’d instructed.” My wife was quiet. She didn’t utter a word. My mother is in our house to help my wife take care of our baby but she had turned against my wife completely. If my wife decides that we should eat rice today. My mom will go to the kitchen and cook fufu and later tell my wife, “If you want to eat rice, get up and cook it yourself.”
The child is only three months. I’ve started looking for a replacement for my mom. My wife is against it but I think it’s the best thing to do now before things get out of hand. A few days ago, they had another misunderstanding. The baby was crying and my wife was trying her best to make her stop crying but this baby continued crying. My mother came for her, look at her, and said, “She wants water.” My wife said, “She’s only three months she can’t take water.” She said, “Your husband ate fufu when he was three months. You’re married to him now because the fufu didn’t kill him and didn’t make him stupid. Give the child some water.” When my wife didn’t agree, she took the child to the kitchen and gave her water. The sad thing was, it didn’t stop the baby from crying. It rather made my wife cried too.
That was the last straw that broke my back. I wanted to send her away. I didn’t mind the implications but my wife said, “Don’t make her hate me the more. If you send her away, she might think I told you to send her away and that will make her hate me forever. Find a better way to do it.” My question now is, what’s the better way?” This is my mother we are talking about. She won’t change to suit anyone. She wants what she wants at the time she wants it and doesn’t mind stepping on many toes to get what she wants.
Anytime I’m leaving home I’m worried. It feels like I’m leaving my mouse at a daycare center where the cat is the caretaker. I’ll be at work and will be thinking of what’s happening in the house. My wife doesn’t tell me everything that happens in the house. Sometimes I have to see through her demeanor to know she had had issues with my mom. I want to send my mother away but what’s the best way to do it so she doesn’t think that I’m choosing my wife over her?