My sister’s in-laws have asked me to persuade my sister to reconsider a decision she has made that is affecting her relationship with her husband. I don’t like to interfere in people’s marriages especially when I understand that my sister has a reason for the decision she has made. That’s why I am hoping to get some opinions here that can help......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
Here is what happened. My sister and her husband tied the knot eleven years ago. At the time they got married, her husband had a three-year-old daughter from his past relationship. The man fulfilled his responsibilities as a father even though his baby mama denied him visitation rights. She even took him to court, falsely claiming he wasn’t supporting their child. However, he provided evidence of his financial support and the court ruled in his favor. They then granted him regular visitation rights and shared school expenses.
After the ruling, the little girl spent weekends and vacations with her father. It was all going well until the baby mama stirred up another pot of drama. By then my sister was married to him. I believe that is what made this baby mama decide to change things without first having a conversation with the father of the child.
She stopped the child from spending weekends with her father as agreed. According to her, “When I bring her over and I leave, the child will cry.” It isn’t that the child was crying. Or that there had been any incidents in which the child cried whenever she was absent. She just decided that if she left the girl with her father, she would cry.
The next thing she said was that my sister was manipulating the girl’s emotions so she (the girl) would love her (my sister) more. “I can’t have my baby loving another woman more than she loves me, her mother,” she complained. My sister was not enthused about all the unwarranted accusations. She felt it was disrespectful. All she wanted was to be a supportive wife.
She knew she could not replace the girl’s mother or try to compete for the same spot in the child’s life. So she did not attempt to do that. She only did the best she could by taking care of her husband’s daughter the way she would take care of her own child. It was no fault of hers that the child ended up falling in love with my sister and started seeing her as a second mum. Why is that a bad thing? How did that even become something to contend over? Shouldn’t the baby mama rather be happy that another woman loves her child as her own?
Anyway, my sister chose not to engage the woman on the subject. She didn’t try to force things. She let the baby mama do what she felt was right for her daughter while she also focused on her marriage and building her own family.
Now, it’s been eleven years since this incident. My brother-in-law lost his job eighteen months ago. All financial responsibilities of the family have fallen on my sister. She pays for everything they need at home to get by as a household and then pays her stepdaughter’s school fees.
She is doing the best she can but there is very little she can do on one income. She and her husband have fallen behind on rent and child support payments to the baby mama. When they were both earning, they could afford to. But now that it’s only her, the money is not enough to cover all those expenses.
The little girl is now a teenager. Her mother is struggling to take care of her needs without her father’s support. So the baby mama has asked my sister’s husband to take their child in. The man is ready to do it but my sister says no. She said, “The last time this child came to live with us only on weekends, her mother said I was poisoning her against her so she would love me more than her. She should maintain that same energy and continue looking after her daughter. As for me, I won’t let her come here for them to be spreading stories about me.” I understand where she is coming from.
It’s been ten years since that incident but they say, “Once bitten, twice shy.” She says her husband’s baby mama is disrespectful and lacks boundaries. And bringing her daughter to live with them will only encourage her to bring drama to their home. It is at this point that her in-laws have asked me to step in. They want me to influence my sister’s decision on the subject. Honestly, I don’t know how to counsel her. That’s why I am hoping you readers here will help with some advice.