This question was obtained from a book I read earlier this year “The Death Of Vivek Orji” by Akwaeke Emezi. In this book, the main character is exceptionally effeminate and his family found it hard to accept him for who he was. In one of the pages of the book, he is found asking the readers this question and it stuck with me. I have been thinking about this question for months, wondering who I would be if no one saw the real, authentic me.....KINDLY READ THE FULL STORY HERE▶
If nobody sees you are you still there? It is a question that goes beyond physical visibility. It’s a question of whether we exist in our truest form when we are alone, without the validation of others. It’s a question that goes to the heart of our identity and the way we see ourselves in the world.
At the core of this question is the idea of validation. We all want to be validated in some way, whether it’s through praise for our accomplishments, acceptance from our peers, or simply the knowledge that we are seen and acknowledged by others. As much as we love to deny it, I think we love to be seen by the people we love. We yearn to be admired or liked. The human mind is trained in such a way that we desire validation, but on what and by whom is what truly matters. When you create a beautiful work of art or do something you think is worthy of appreciation, receiving positive feedback is validation that what you are doing is worth it.
But even in our solitude, we still seek validation.
Being alone can be a scary thought but It’s a place where we can’t hide behind our masks, and we are forced to confront our true selves. We become vulnerable, and our insecurities and flaws are exposed. It’s a place where we may feel unimportant and insignificant. But it’s also a place where we can learn to accept and embrace our flaws and imperfections. It’s a place where we can find the courage to be our authentic selves, without the fear of judgment or rejection.
We seek validation from ourselves, in the form of self-love and self-acceptance. It’s important to recognize that we are enough, even without the approval of others. Our worth and value are not determined by external factors, but by our internal sense of self-worth.
However, seeking validation from others is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s human nature to want to be appreciated and acknowledged. The key is to recognize that validation from others should not be the sole source of our self-worth. It’s important to have a healthy balance of self-validation and external validation. If we base our sense of self solely on the validation we receive from others, then we risk losing sight of who we truly are. We become so focused on pleasing others that we forget what it means to be authentic and true to ourselves.
This is why we need to find a balance between our need for validation and our desire to be authentic? One way is to cultivate a strong sense of self-awareness. By becoming more aware of our own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, we can begin to see ourselves more clearly and understand what drives us.
Another way is to seek out validation from sources that align with our values and goals. Rather than seeking approval from anyone and everyone, we can focus on building relationships with people who share our vision and support our growth.
We all want to be seen for who we truly are. To be appreciated and loved whilst being our raw, vulnerable and authentic self.
So, are we still there when nobody sees us? The answer is a resounding yes. We exist in our truest form when we are alone, without the influence of others. But it’s also important to recognize that seeking validation from others is not necessarily a bad thing. The key is to find a healthy balance and to recognize that our worth and value are not determined by external factors.
At the end of the day, we are enough, and we should strive to love and accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and whatnots.
