I was in school when he first proposed love to me. The first thing I asked him was, “Do you have a job?” He said, “No, but I am part of a band. We have been rehearsing together so we can join the army.” This was a deal breaker for me because I was preparing to graduate. It mattered to me that I would date a man I could build a future with. Tell me, what kind of future could I have with an unemployed man?.....Read The Full Article>>.....Read The Full Article>>
Regardless of my reservations, he was a good guy. The fact I couldn’t be with him romantically didn’t mean friendship was off the table as well. When I told him, “I can’t date you but let’s be friends,” he accepted it with warmth. Through our friendship, I embarked on a mission to help him get a job.
By and by he got something to earn him some income. The salary wasn’t much but low cash flow is better than no cash flow. We were in 2016 by then and they were paying him GHC300. I told him, “It’s small but this is not the end. Keep doing it while we look for better opportunities.” I also eventually got a job that earned me GHC500.
Now that we both had jobs, I agreed to be with him. A short while into the relationship, he asked me to move in with him. I was so engulfed by our love that I did not even think twice before saying yes to this request.
When I moved in I asked him about his goals. He said, “I plan to marry you and hope I get a better job soon.” As always, I wanted to help him do better. So I was always on the lookout for job opportunities for him to apply to them.
While we were yet to find a better footing financially, I got pregnant. It was unplanned but we both took the news well. He accepted responsibility and told me he would do the right thing. We went to see my family, collected the marriage list, and later held a small traditional marriage ceremony.
I knew my mum wasn’t happy about the way the whole thing went down. She expected me to be financially stable before getting married. She was right. Even I was not happy throughout the event. That was not how I planned my life to go, you know. I wanted to get enough money before having kids and not the other way around. But it had already happened. I just had to make the best of it.
God being so good, I got a good job for this man. All he had to do was submit his documents as a formality so he could start work. That was when it came to light that he lied about his qualifications. While he made me believe that he had graduated from the Polytechnic, it turned out that he is a JSS leaver. We were already married when I found this out. What could I have done? I cried my eyes out because of this deception.
Because of my qualifications, I got posted to work. I earn well but I am the breadwinner of my family. This means there’s so much pressure on my money. It’s not just my husband who benefits from me. His family too. In June 2019, his brother got into trouble and was about to be jailed. They asked me to take a loan so they bail him out. I did this with the promise that they would repay me in six months but it’s been four years now and the money hasn’t been paid.
Currently, we have two kids. I am the sole provider for all their needs. Sometimes I can barely afford to feed them three square meals. I feel betrayed because this is not the life my husband promised me. He swore he would give me heaven on this earth but now look. I don’t see any progress in my life. Everything I earn goes into providing for the family.
It’s not as if I haven’t done my best to get my husband to man up and take responsibility. I have even invested in him just so he would stand on his feet and be the man this family needs him to be but he refuses to pull his weight. So all my efforts to build him up have amounted to nothing.
He is a good man, I will give him that. But when it comes to provision, we can’t count on him. Even when the kids are sick, it’s all me. Right now, our first child is having problems with her eyes but he is sitting there expecting me to cough up the money to take her to the hospital. I don’t know how long I can do this. It’s been eight years already.
I am only thirty-one but I’m already tired of life. I am always consumed with thoughts when I am alone. These days I can’t even concentrate properly at work. I feel like I am losing my mind because of all the responsibilities heaped upon my head.
Should I continue with this marriage and hope that things will get better? Or should I just quit and become a single mother of two? When the marriage vows said for better or worse, did it mean I have to stay with a man with poor financial stability for the rest of my life? Please, I need your counsel.
