Our third child was one year old when I decided that enough was enough. I had endured my marriage or I should say my husband for fifteen years. Fifteen years of emotional abuse and manipulations. Fifteen years of gross disrespect. Fifteen years of saying, “He said he will change so let me be patient with him. After all, no marriage is perfect.” Even when it didn’t make sense that I should hold on, I did......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
In the early stages of the marriage, the signs were there but they were not alarming. They were mostly some harmless lies here and there. I usually caught him because the man cannot tell a decent lie even if his life depends on it. So whenever he gave me excuses for why he stayed out late after work, I would notice that one or two things didn’t add up. When I tried to question him further, he would make it seem like I was looking for trouble when there was none.
He even accused me of having trust issues at some point. Two years into the marriage, we had our firstborn. I thought the arrival of the baby would change him a little but it only pushed him further away. He did his job as a provider for the family. He was present as a father when he was required to. But when it came to being a husband, he sucked at it.
The day I found out he was dating other women on the side, I wanted to leave the marriage. You should see this man doing everything possible to prove that he would change. He swore he would be faithful if I gave him another chance. I did. I also considered how good a father he was. And told myself that maybe it wasn’t that bad.
I was sure that things would improve for the better but they only got worse with time. He didn’t even bother keeping his indiscretions under wraps anymore. He was as open about it as he was about our marriage. I spent nights crying into my pillow because of how painful his actions were. He didn’t even stick to one side chick. He kept changing women the way I changed our babies’ diapers.
This man showed no iota of respect for our marriage. He would even sleep with a girl and later post it on Facebook. The photo of the girl too. I had to unfriend him to save my heart from too much pain.
When I finally had enough and left the marriage five years ago, I was sure I would never get back together with him. I just wanted to focus on raising our three children. I took good care of myself while at it. You would see me and not even know that I have three kids or that I had been married in the past. I looked good. That’s what most of my friends and acquaintances told me.
Men came my way but I didn’t pay any mind to them. However, there was this guy who caught my attention. He was everything I didn’t even know I was looking for. He loved me as though I was a virgin bride delivered to his doorstep at midnight. He loved my children as if he was the one who fathered them.
I thought I wasn’t capable of loving again but I fell hard for him. If falling in love required falling on the ground first, I believe the earth would have cracked beneath me. One day he told me, “I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore. I want to be your husband. What do I have to do to make this dream of mine come true?” I laughed with joy as I talked him through the marriage process in my family.
Just as I found myself hoping, dreaming, and planning for yet another marriage, this new guy who was too good to be true disappeared from my life without a trace or a word. We didn’t fight or quarrel. He just went silent on me. All attempts to reach out to him were met with nothing. He is alive and well. He just decided he was done with us without bothering to tell me first.
It was also around that time that my ex-husband came back into my life bearing a bouquet of apologies. Maybe I was vulnerable at that point because of the way the other guy left things. All I know is that I thought about our kids and decided to go back to him.
I have seen that the five years I was away didn’t change him a bit. He is still an unrepentant cheat. I have no ounce of love in my heart for him. If I am being honest, I would say that I hate him. I am only putting up with him because he is the father of my children. Another man may choose to abandon them but their own father wouldn’t. He is a lot of things but an irresponsible father is not one of them.
Although I am back in his life and putting up with him, I have been thinking of ways to hurt him as much as he has hurt me. If he happens to feel more pain than he has caused me, then hallelujah!
Recently, I joined one of these dating apps. I matched with a white guy and we’ve been chatting. He wants to come and meet me. My plan is to run away with him and return after a whole month has passed. Our oldest child is thirteen, and the middle one is nine, while the youngest is six. I believe my absence will force my husband to sober up and take care of them the way I do when he is out there being a hoe.
Running off with another man is not my character but I think it is the only way I can make him pay for the pain he has caused me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine.